Triangle - 1999 November

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1999 November

THE EXPONENT: Volume 99, Number 6

"You to the power of us"

"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.". -- Joel Barker

How will we all know when Triangle is successful?

Another way to cast that question is, "What's important to Triangle as an organization?" Your National Board of Directors met recently to discuss that question and how to use the answer. What they came up with is:

Members demonstrate that they agree with Triangle's core values, vision, and purpose
Members demonstrate a willingness to participate in Triangle
Members demonstrate willingness and desire to improve themselves and the organization to which they belong

We could go into further detail about what each of those means (e.g. participation = giving of time, talent, and treasure), but we can't do that if we want to give you everything else in this issue. If you would like to know more detail, we encourage you to look at the Triangle web site and/or to contact one of your National Council representatives. Expect to see more information about the planning and implementation process in the future. Inthe meantime, what can you do to help your Fraternity achieve this?

Contents

Rules for Revolutionaries: Guy Kawasaki, CEO of garage.com, former Apple Computer exec; From a speech to an Open Source development conference, 1999. View it at http://www.technetcast.com/tnc_program.html?program_id=38

Jump to the next curve - revolutionary thinkers look into the future and figure out which curve to jump. Evolutionary thinkers figure out how best to position themselves on the current curve. There's nothing better or worse about either kind of thinker...but remember that this speech was about evolutionary thinkers.

Eat (information) like a bird...shit (your product) like an elephant. Gobble up every bit of information you can find. Get all you can about the stuff that interests you, but also look for information to "eat" that goes beyond your primary foci (e.g. if you are a programmer, study C++, but also study business, physics, gardening, etc). Put what you learn into practice...use what you learn to continuously improve your product.

Don't worry, be crappy - as long as the crap concept is at least 10x better than current concept, run with it as soon as it works reasonably well. Don't wait for a perfect world to happen - all the features are in the product, everything is bug-free - before you ship.

Churn, baby, churn - Don't stay crappy...get better very quickly and continue to shit your product (revs) like an elephant. Put the not-perfect product into play, but then rapidly correct it's flaws and put them into play too!

Enable people to test drive your revolution - Except for those who are folks that adopt new things early, most people won't want to jump from the tried and true to the bleeding edge. You have to figure out a way to entice people to use your product...you have to find ways to remove the perception of pain to go to your product. "We know this is new, but we think you're smart and we want to enable you to choose to do 'it' this new, better way, so here's a free opportunity to 'test drive' our product".

Make evangelists more than making sales. Don't worry so much about making a sale...if you build evangelism for your product, the sales will come because of the evangelists.

Think digital, but act analog - the "end" that's important is analog (the relationship with customer)...digital is a means to the end (transactions with customer). The important thing is to satisfy the customer - fulfill his needs and wants, offer comfort to him/take away pain/make his life easier. The transactions, the "digital" things, are only the means to that end.

Never ask people to do what you wouldn't do yourself. The respect, lead-by-example ramification of that is pretty self-explanatory. The other, less obvious, part might not be, though. Don't just say that you'd do whatever it is that you're asking your customers to do -- DO IT. Imagine what a better experience you'd have on an airline if the airline executives frequently traveled in coach class.

Don't let the "bozos" grind you down - On the contrary, the more the "bozos" try, the more likely it is that your idea has merit. That's not to say that you'll automatically have success if someone says, "that's a dumb idea that'll never work" - sometimes the "bozos" are right - but it should make you grit your teeth and go off and redouble your efforts until and unless something shows you that you made a mistake.

My brother is gay -- What to do when a fraternity brother comes out: © 1998 Greeks United Against Homophobia (GU)

Everyone has heard the stereotypes. And many might have heard, in some way or another, that gay guys can be just like everybody else. Who knows what to think? You've never really met anyone gay anyhow... But then you find out one of your brothers is gay. Maybe he told you in confidence, hoping you would tell no other living soul. Maybe he came out during chapter (boy, that was a short meeting!). Maybe someone saw him holding another guy's hand. Maybe his picture was in this morning's paper talking about how some gay men were badly beaten outside a local gay club.

But what's all that supposed to mean? You thought you know who this guy was and then BAM!, all of a sudden you don't know who he is any more. What about all those girls? They sure paid lots of attention to him, and he didn't seem to mind!

You know what the right thing to do is. You just feel strange about it -- how is this going to affect your friendship? Your brotherhood? Your chapter's reputation? You?

Well, why don't we set you aside for a second here?

Your buddy just realized this about himself. He sure as hell didn't choose to be gay. He's probably been hanging out with straight guys all his life. He's probably been seeing, all his life, how his buddies, parents, teachers have these great relationships. Why wouldn't he want them too? And yet, he didn't really find girls attractive. He had plenty of female friends, but it just didn't click that way. He might have tried dating girls, or sleeping with them, maybe even have been seriously involved with one for a while. But it didn't feel like he was being honest to himself. And he hadn't really met a whole lot of gay people until he came out-and maybe even a while after that he doesn't know a whole lot of them. How's he supposed to act? What are people going to think of him? How's his being gay going to affect his friendships? Are they going to turn their backs on him? How about all his brothers? They swore lifelong allegiance, but after hearing all that stuff during dinner about gay this and gay that and fag this and fag that, will they be there for him if they find out he's one of them?

It's a two-sided coin here. It's not just about you.

But what if?

What if he makes some kind of public announcement? The local paper, maybe, or the news? You know he wants to share his story, but what about the fraternity?

Well, you could ask him to make sure that he emphasizes that his views are his alone. Or that your chapter is tolerant, but no single brother represents the diversity of the chapter. Or that if there are internal conflicts between the chapter and him, he treat those the way he would treat problems with his family.

What if he already came out in public and catches the brotherhood off guard? You're already hearing rumors about the house out there...

You can't really do a whole lot. Asking him to stop talking would certainly not help. You want to let your brother know it's ok for him to be gay, but you also don't want to be represented as something you're not. So you tell people who confront you and tell them "Yeah, he's gay, I'm not, he's my brother, what's your point?" It takes guts. But not any more than it took him to tell the world and risk being blackballed, or harassed, or disinherited, or kicked out of his house, or losing his friends, or getting beat up in an alley somewhere.

What if he immediately expects the chapter to stand behind him 100%? He can't be serious, can he?

Why not? The chapter could easily take a stance, a unified front saying "we stand by our brothers if they're just, upstanding people." You could also ask him to take a hit for the brotherhood and be a tad more discreet. Make it a give and take: the chapter stands behind him, and he also thinks about how it affects the chapter before doing anything.

Or what if he wants to bring a male date to a formal? Or his gay friends to a party?

Be a good host. You sure don't like everyone's friends, but you don't mind a bunch of them either, right? And you know this guy--if he hangs out with you, his taste in friends must not be all that bad. Treat them the way you would any other brothers' friends: if they're jerks, treat them the way you treat jerks. If they're cool people, hey, they could be rush material. And a date, of course, is a date. Treat his date the way you'd want him to treat yours (and if you read this sentence twice, it'll mean even more).

Yeah, but the house is getting a reputation already-you keep on hearing that other frats are telling people that you're "a gay house." What if your rush goes to hell?

Take this advice from a national fraternity's answer to this question from their own chapter guidebook: "Either refuse to fear it knowing that such tactics only work on the bigoted and the weak, or expose the dirty rushing to campus media. The media loves to showcase bigots."

What if our house starts being vandalized? We start getting harassed?

Call the cops. Many states, counties and cities have hate crimes statutes that cover crimes rooted in homophobia or other forms of bigotry. Many, unfortunately, do not. Press the cops to follow this up seriously.
Demand that the university get involved. So many groups on campus seem to demand things from the university already, it's only fair they listen to you as well.
Go public with it. If you have names, make them public as well (of course, don't get yourselves sued for slander).
Arrange for ongoing security. Your campus and local police should be of help.

Ok, what if some of the really top-notch guys start leaving because they don't want to be in a house where all this is going on?

Try to talk them out of it. Suggest they just make it a temporary separation and see how things go. They're top-notch guys, they can think with their heads. Certainly, try to get your gay brother/brothers involved in this if it won't break out into a fight. Sometimes all it takes is an honest conversation to swing things around. And it might sound lame, but a top-notch brother doesn't turn his back on the brotherhood when it gets a bit rough.

What if he dips himself in red paint, starts stealing hubcaps and burns the house down? (Or, for the humor impaired, what if he does something worthy of expulsion?)

Well, he's not doing that because he's gay. If a gay brother engages in behavior that is grounds for expulsion from the fraternity, then treat it as you would any other expulsion. And emphasize that it's not because he's gay but because arson, use of hardware supplies as bodily decoration and larceny are inconsistent with membership in your society. Perhaps come up with examples of other arsonist self-decorating thieves you've had to expel in the past. Wish him the best of luck in the future.

I'm cool with this. Where do I go for more immediate support?

Check with your student life office. They usually have programs and people prepared to assist with any situation of this sort-coming out, dealing with gay peers, combating homophobia, etc.
Check with your college's Lesbian and Gay student alliance. They won't bite and they will usually have people who are more willing to help, listen, or offer suggestions.
Check with your national, if you have one. Many have some kind of guidelines and support system in place.
Check with your campus health center. They often have counselors trained in dealing with coming out issues, homophobia and group behavior.

In general, remember those golden rules you were taught when you were a kid:

Treat others the way you want to be treated, and treat one as you would all;
You speak for yourself, others speak for themselves, groups speak as a group;
Respect honorable and decent people, shy away from those who are disrespectful;
Be respectful of difference that respects your own;
Don't act out of fear, act out of a sense of right and wrong;

Coined statements you can use as a general response (courtesy of our friends at DKE):

"We are a diverse Brotherhood that values and draws strength from the many differences among us."
"Our pride in our individual Brothers is based upon what they contribute to the Fraternity and how they discharge their responsibilities as a Brother to each other."
"Acceptance of diversity is a sign of self-confidence and an inner strength. Fear mongering or ridicule concerning those who are different from us is symptomatic of personal insecurity and bigotry."
"For the good of our commonly held Greek ideals, our Alma Mater and our community, we urge all people of good will to reject bigotry."

Ethics and Values: Adapted from an article in the Chi Omega Eleusis by K. Cocke Hassell

What's happening in this Age of Enlightenment, when kids kill kids in school, political scandals rock our government, and road rage is a new word in our lexicon?

Some time ago, an editor of the Crimson, Harvard's undergraduate newspaper, lamented the lack of civility, or just plain old-fashioned good manners that he had experienced on the Harvard campus. He complained of, among other things, that students whooshed through doors without the courtesy of holding them open for those behind them. He cited many other evidences of a lack of good manners and caring concern for fellow students, faculty, or anybody else.

A recent Carnegie Foundation study of 18 representative colleges and universities showed the same lack of common courtesy, indicating a declining sense of community among students. The panel was dismayed to find negative trends in crime, sexism, alcohol and drug abuse, rape, cheating, polarization by race and ethnic background, and other disturbing trends. They also noted a wide disparity between academic and extracurricular activities, noting that there were few intellectual interests pursued beyond classroom requirements. Another 1997 survey of 252,082 students at 464 US colleges supports this claim, finding that a high percentage reported being frequently bored in class and/or missing class, little interest in politics and social issues, and, most importantly spending less and less time studying. Ironically, all this comes at a time when more students aspire to graduate study. These trends suggest that while students' level of interest in the studies is down, they realize the need to be successful in college in order to remain competitive.

These examples of ethical and moral uncertainty should trigger our concern as well as our moral indignation. However, I think before we make too many moral judgements about what others are doing, we need first to engage in some self-evaluation and self-regulation. We need to reflect less on what others are doing wrong and concentrate instead on what we know we should be doing. We might then be able to preserve Triangle and the fraternity system for the generations to come.

Many university officials, while recognizing the value of a Greek system on campus, are becoming increasingly concerned about the bad press and litigation resulting from alcohol abuse, hazing, sexual abuse and other irresponsible behavior of some groups. Many of them are developing strict guidelines that set perimeters for fraternity behavior. Any group violating these rules will be banned. Twenty-three schools have banned the entire Greek system.

I could say, of course, that the critics of the system are shallow and wrong; that they see only what they want to see; that they judge all groups by the behavior and misdeeds of one or two groups or the individual group by the behavior and misdeeds of one or two members. I would suggest, however, that the best response fraternities can make to the growing criticism of the system would be to admit our shortcomings, stay off the defensive, and use our energies to do something about it. We must do some innovative things to improves academic quality, to improve standards of conduct and integrity among members, and anything else we need to do to clean up our collective act and make a positive contribution to campus and community life as responsible citizens. If we communicate and demonstrate the positive leadership and personal development aspect of fraternity membership rather than the purely social aspect, we might find ourselves the blessed members of campus life and awash in members. Remember that the flaws with any group are determined by the sum total of the flaws of each of its members.

I have said many times that the problem with all of our fraternity groups is that we have too many pin-wearers - members who accept the badge and the privileges of members, but none of the responsibilities. If all of us, actives and alumni, lived up to the reality of our creeds and kept the promises we made when initiated, nobody could justify a criticism. We all have a challenge here that has never been fully accepted. Any fraternity is judged by the chapters which make up its National Organization. Like a chain, a National Organization is only as strong as its weakest chapter and a chapter is only as strong as its weakest member. The measure of Triangle's quality is the quality of her Brothers.

Here are some specific things you can do to promote ethics and values among your members and at the same time enrich your own life:

Live up to the standards of the Fraternity.
Expect others to live up to the standards of the Fraternity.
Encourage the chapter to be an intellectual community. Don't let education be the thing for which members are willing to pay and then not get. We represent an honorable organization and we have an obligation to see to it that our members make the best possible preparations to reach their highest and best potential as professional men.
In whatever your capacity as a Triangle leader, you can and should be able to deal effectively with the social and moral values of your members. Through careful programs, guidance, and by example, you can teach and promote moral and social responsibility, respect for law, and respect for people and property. Set high standards for your members and expect every member to meet them.

Some of our collegiate members and even some of our alumni have the mistaken notion that Brotherhood means that you do not judge a Brother who is engaging in negative or destructive behavior. Those who believe this think you should look the other way, cover it up, or make excuses - enabling behaviors - or that it's his problem, not yours. These beliefs and actions are wrong. Brotherhood is caring enough to say, "KNOCK IT OFF, I WON'T SIT IDLY BY WHILE YOU DESTROY YOURSELF, YOUR FUTURE, AND TRIANGLE," to such a person.

If we seek fulfillment and have a desire to help our Fraternity reach its highest and best potential, each of us should strive to be a person of quality and character, and then help other members do the same. The person who reaches this goal in life is a person who realizes in time that satisfaction does not arise merely from being good at something, but also from being a certain kind of person. Character takes no account of what you're thought to be, only what you are.

Managing Risk: Dan Guido uwm96; Triangle Fraternity Educational Leadership Consultant

Brothers,

Our Fraternity has achieved a significant milestone. On October 17th, 1999, we held a Risk Management Summit meeting at the National Headquarters. This was the first meeting of its type for Triangle Fraternity.

At this meeting, we discussed our current risk management program and then focused on the future of Triangle Fraternity Risk Management.

We identified both physical plant and social related risks. Examples of physical plant issues include;

insurance inspections and compliance
fire safety
house replacement plans
slip and fall liability

Examples of social related risk include;

substance abuse
sexual assault
drunk driving
hazing

Part of my commitment to our Fraternity includes continuing to improve the management of our risk. It is my intention to instill within us all, an obligation to be proactive in managing the risks associated with Fraternal living within Triangle.

This is your Fraternity, and it's important for you to be informed. I want to know your feelings, and I truly need your input to be effective for you--don't forget that I am your employee. No risk management planning that we do at the national level will make any difference if our membership doesn't support what we do.

Triangle Wall of Fame

Did you know?

Triangle has a Wall of Fame, recognizing Brothers who have had visible success in their lives. This recognition started in 1995, when four Brothers were recognized, and two Brothers have been recognized each year since. In addition to the original Wall of Fame in the National Headquarters, each Triangle chapter annually receives a poster with the recently added members.

The Brothers who've been recognized to date:

Elison Onizuka colo69
Fred Kappel minn24
Gerald Rauenhorst marq50
Hank Ramey pur48
Fred Meyer pur46
Ed McCracken is64
Stanton Cook nu46
Charles Bowman ps56
Wyatt Walker kan38
Ed Wedbush cin50

Will you be among them someday?

Tim Eiler minn87
Triangle Fraternity National Council Past President
Engineering Project Manager - Digi International Former U.S. Astronaut Technical Educator
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RELENTLESS pursuit of EXCELLENCE!!!